


Awakenings

by lollyr2222



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Background Relationships, Clarke Griffin & Raven Reyes Friendship, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Minor Monty Green/Jasper Jordan, Parent Abby Griffin, People Change People
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 01:54:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14298201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lollyr2222/pseuds/lollyr2222
Summary: Clarke has always felt a little on the outside, she knows she has issues. However when she finally pushes someone she cares about too far, she wonders has she lost everything





	1. With a whimper not a bang

**Author's Note:**

> This was a one shot that got out of control. I'm not quite sure where it will end, it has a life of its own.

Clarke hated Thanksgiving, she’d like to blame her messed up family but really, even before her dad died she had never liked the day. To her it seemed so much effort for so little payoff that it was pointless. It was also the time of year she usually had exams or projects due, so already stressful. Then there was the food, so much that you had to eat it for days. Clarke loved her food, so having the same bland turkey sandwiches and pie for dessert day after day, because in a house of three the leftovers went a long way, was pure torture.

On the actual day, Abby threw a party and Clarke’s house became a show home, filled with too many people milling around whom she barely knew. Being forced to smile and pretend to be the perfect daughter, the whole situation was exhausting. Even if she snuck off to have some peace and quiet there was never anything on the TV, just Sports or the parade. The “only two acceptable choices” her dad always said cheerfully, though it was more like the only two choices, period. She’d rather have skipped it, she still would if she could even now. However, Octavia Blake would not take no for an answer, while the girl was one of her best friends, she did sometimes feel sorry for Bellamy, raising a headstrong, strong willed human tempest.

Too far to fly, too much work on, her go to get out of jail free cards when it came to her mother’s requests. Drinking a lot and hanging with her friends, instead of having to attend a stuffy formal dinner, was a huge improvement. As compromises go though, Clarke was glad that the last few years she had celebrated with the Blake’s instead of her mother. But deep down a takeaway and some movies while relaxing alone would be her first choice.

Clarke shifted the phone in her hands, half listening as Abby gave her the rundown of her plans over the phone. What took several excruciating hours when she was there, was quickly surmised in thirty minutes on the phone. Abby prattled on about the guests attending as Clarke fixed her makeup, only needing the odd non-committal umm-hmm as they spoke. It was far easier to do this with a few states in between them.

Clarke zipped up her black sweater dress, shoving her feet into her high heeled boots. She was aware she was overdoing it, but she and Niylah had just broken up and she wanted to feel good about herself. She paused as she raised the red lipstick to her mouth, realising there would be questions today as to where her girlfriend of two months was. Maybe they would be too drunk to notice, she hoped, glancing at the clock. She was already running twenty minutes late, so she could bet Raven and Jasper were on their way to wasted.   
She sighed, looking at herself in the mirror. Examining her face, her figure, she couldn’t believe she was here again. Another one down as Bellamy would say. Clarke felt a wave of sadness wash over her at the thought. Not for Niylah, they ended with a whimper not a bang. Her last words though, they had stuck as a little voice at the back of her mind. She had thought things were going well. She was obviously wrong. The pretty blonde had taken her hand, smiled and ended it. Pointing out they had been together for a few months and yet she still felt no closer than when they started dating. 

Clarke had protested but her effort to change Niylah’s mind wasn’t particularly strong. If she wanted out, who was Clarke to stop her. It was okay until Niylah had whispered, as they hugged goodbye “let someone in Clarke.” She always did, or at least she was pretty sure she did. She couldn’t help but wonder what she had meant. She had a few long-term relationships, the longest was nearly a year and a half, hardly something that could be achieved without opening up. Still that comment was lingering. That was it she needed a drink.

“Mom I have to go.” She interrupted, “Have fun and I’ll call you at the weekend.”

“Okay baby, love you” Abby chirped.

“Love you too.” Clarke replied. Throwing her stuff into her bag and rushing out the door.

The cab had come quickly so she hadn’t gotten too cold, but she still rushed into the building, making sure she stayed warm. She could hear the thrum of people before she got to the door. Shouts and merriment's greeting her. She knocked loudly, hoping they’d hear her. She was forty minutes late, so she doubted most were sober. Thankfully.  
Octavia opened the door and let out a low whistle.

“Damn girl, you know its just us losers right” she joked, ushering Clarke in.

“What, I dressed same as always.” Clarke stated, daring her to say otherwise.

“Sure, you’re currently head to toe in paint stained clothes, nothing new here” Octavia smirked.

“I don’t always wear scruffy clothes” Clarke remarked indignantly.

“Well you may be overdressed a little. But hey we all appreciate some eye candy” Octavia replied turning to leave, ending the conversation, distracted by Jasper's conversation. She bounced off, throwing herself down on the couch. Shouting a clearly made up opinion to annoy him.

Clarke greeted Raven, Wick, and Monty, nodding at Jasper, the group greeted her with varying degrees of Octavia’s comments. They were all lounging around the sitting room, relaxing, while knocking back drinks, arguing about nothing. Clarke would have to catch up.

“Where’s Bellamy?” she asked. 

Monty nodded towards the kitchen “he’s making food and I quote so you kids don’t destroy yourselves and my carpet.” he answered rolling his eyes.  
Clarke snorted moving towards the kitchen.

“Hey Clarke” Bellamy greeted as she entered the small room. 

She could see food cooking in the oven, various drinks and mixers and plates and cutlery strewn around the counter tops. There was a massive pile of dishes in the sink, so big she thought would take days to clean. She was grateful they were willing to do this for them. 

She was besotted with this house. It was the opposite of where she grew up. Everything was worn down, used and homely. Bellamy and Octavia hadn’t replaced much since their mother died. Despite the constant riling by the group, very little changed here. She loved it. She had once discussed it with Octavia, asking why. The young woman had shrugged, saying it was Bellamy’s house and his choice, that he liked it as is. Clarke hadn’t pushed further though that raised more questions than it had answered. It was hardly a surprise that Bellamy was an enigma, and that Octavia would simply support him. 

“Hey” she called back. 

He was intently stirring, chopping and arranging food on plates. Moving between each job.

“Making everyone eat, huh?” she joked.

“Ha, ha, Clarke, mock me but Monty and Jasper did four shots each as soon as they arrived. Four. Four. I’m not hosing them down after they do a re-enactment of the exorcist in my house… again.” He grumbled. 

“It wasn’t that bad” she pointed out.

“Says you who was throwing up in the toilet at the time” Bellamy shot back.

“Come on Octavia only turns Eighteen once” Clarke replied, picking up some of the cheese and crackers. Her hunger making itself known. 

Bellamy stopped, looking to the door, passed the wood, mentally out to where Octavia was. “I am a bad parent for letting you all influence her.”

“I’m pretty sure the drinking games were led by her you know” Clarke said, munching on her snacks. She could smell the food in the oven. Blessedly no turkey, not in this home.

“No, I don’t know. Because I don’t want to know that” Bellamy sighed, grabbing more snacks from the fridge.

Clarke watched him move fluidly around the room, fixing meals for his friends, a carer at heart. She continued to eat while he set everything up. He tutted a few times as he replaced what she ate, always the perfectionist.

Bellamy finished what he was doing with a Voila gesture. His attention no longer elsewhere, he finally looked at her properly. He regarded her up and down and Clarke waited for another saucy comment but got a frown instead.

He met her eyes, the grimace still in place. “You broke up with Niylah?” the question came out closer to a statement.

“What?” Clarke stuttered, shocked by him.

“You did, you always dress up when you break up with someone. You’re also wearing your I can do better lipstick” He pointed out.

“I’m not, Were not. Do better lipstick?” she croaked.

Bellamy didn’t answer just walked over and pulled her into a hug. Clarke began to protest but gave up and slumped into it, who was she kidding she wanted and needed this. 

“Have I become so predictable” She snuffled.

“Yes” he breathed into her hair. Squeezing a little harder.

Clarke laughed against his chest.

“Ddddaaaaaaaaaaadddd were hungry” Jasper called from the other room. Breaking the spell.

“Ahh the kids need me” Bellamy chuckled, “Can’t leave them hungry” he said as he pulled away. 

Clarke felt the loss immediately. “Thanks Bell” she said squeezing his arm.

“Any time princess, and if you need anything … ask ok…” he trailed off.

Clarke nodded, taking a deep breath, grabbing some of the plates, she entered behind him.

The night continued in much the way as it had begun, drinking, joking around, general stupidity. Still Clarke couldn’t shake the strange feeling she had. Like something was wrong and she should know what it was.


	2. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia enlists Clarke's help to break some news to Bellamy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story keeps getting bigger. I'm writing chapters that were never planned. So this is a bit of a filler, set the scene chapter. Thanks for sticking with it.

Growth is painful. Change is painful. But, nothing is as painful as staying stuck where you do not belong. N. R. Narayana Murthy

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A few weeks after Nylah and Clarke broke up, Octavia sent her an emergency text to meet up. An unusual request, especially without alcohol involved. She wondered if the two were related. That made her nervous, she really didn’t want to discuss her breakup. She definitely didn’t want to do it sober.

So, Clarke found herself in the local coffee joint, TonDC, during a lunch-break from her residency. 

The beautiful brunette arrived with a dramatic flair, ordering a black coffee, and plonking down opposite Clarke.

“Hi Clarke, how’s work going? any crazy stories?” Octavia asked in one breath.

“Not really, long hours, plenty of body fluids” Clarke replied, “Now that’s out of the way. What’s up?”

“Nothing much” Octavia mumbled, taking her drink from the waitress with a half-smile.

“Octavia” Clarke warned.

“What?” O asked, her eyes wide in fake innocence.

“No offence but we don’t do lunch, al least not if Bellamy isn’t around. So, what’s going on?” Clarke got straight to the point.

“Okay Detective Griffin. Geesh.” Octavia stalled, sipping her coffee. Taking a breath, finally she made eye contact. “So, I’m moving out of Bells and I need back up telling him.”

“Oh” of all the things Clarke expected to hear, this wasn’t it.

“Yeah… …. oh” the young woman looked at her, awaiting a fuller reaction.

“Is there a reason? Did you fight?” She inquired.

“No, of course not. Well not enough for that.” Octavia laughed before continuing. “I love him, but it’s his house and now I have a new job and its across town. With traffic it could be an hour and a half commute… … Plus, Monty and Jasper are in the building. I’m 22. It feels like the right time.” She blurted out her obviously rehearsed answer.

Clarke got it she did, it was the same way she felt when she turned eighteen. That need to spread her wings. 

“Well it could be worse, it could have been a guy. Bellamy would have had a heart attack. Also, congratulations on the job.” Clarke said reaching over and squeezing her hand assuredly. 

“Yeah I’m working in a youth outreach for disadvantaged kids. I’m so excited.” Octavia blushed. A rarity for her. 

“Bell will be excited for you too and proud.” Clarke promised.

“I know he will” Octavia smiled.

“So, what do you need, because, I really think it should come from you.” Clarke pointed out.

“Oh definitely, I just want you free after to ya know, to be a shoulder to cry on.” Octavia asked hopefully.

Clarke was relieved that was all, she could do that easily. “Sure, no problem. So, when are you telling him?”

“When do you have a day off next, you know one that’s after an early evening finish. I can see a hangover happening.” Octavia asked sheepishly.

“Saturday.” Clarke replied.

“Great, So I’ll tell him Friday. Text me when you get off work. Ill go tell him and leave you two booze. Lots of booze. I appreciate it Clarke. You’re his best friend, he’ll need you. I   
don’t want to hurt him, but I need to do this.” Octavia said.

“Don’t worry O, he’ll get it. All he ever wanted was the best for you.” Clarke assured her.

“Thanks Clarke”, Octavia glanced at her watch, picking up her coffee “okay I’ll let you get back to your day. Talk to you soon and really you’re a life saver.”

Clarke watched her leave. Poor Bellamy he would be so upset.

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Friday evening rolled around quickly. Octavia was so nervous, she had started biting her nails the whole way home. She was meeting the guys at a bar to give Bellamy space after and let Clarke do her magic. She had a couple of bottles of wine and some whisky clinking in her hand, hoping to ease the blow. Octavia let out a deep breath as she fished her key out of her bag, she realised a small part of her didn’t want to go. She was happy here. 

“Hey O” Bellamy greeted her, feet up on the table, remote in hand. He looked at her bag with raised eyebrows, “Planning to get drunk?”

“Not me… you.” she replied, overly chipper. Her voice a bit too high.

“Umm what?” he asked.

“Clarke is coming over in an hour and I’m staying in Monty’s” Octavia replied.

“O, I’m tired. I just want an early night. School was manic, the kids were all determined to make my day Hell. I just want a movie and bed. Not a party.” He said as she handed him a large whisky.

“Well that might change, but if you still feel that way in ten minutes I’ll cancel Clarke. Ok?” Octavia placated. 

“Okay… what’s wrong?” he sat up, concern on his face.

“Bellamy, I got a job.” 

Bellamy leapt up pulling her into a hug. “That’s great O. I’m so proud. I knew you would. Us Blakes are talented.” He said squeezing her hard.

“Thanks Bell. But that’s not all. It’s in Arcadia West.” Octavia said low, sad to break the moment

He pulled back, looking at her.

She continued, steeling herself against the worst part. “I’m moving to Jasper and Monty’s building. To a little studio there.”

“what?” he croaked.

“I know we always lived together, but its too far to travel and I can afford it. The guys live there, so they can keep an eye on me…” she trailed off.

Bellamy say down, swallowing the whisky in one gulp. He sat for five minutes just staring at the empty glass.

“I’m sorry Bell, are you mad?” Octavia finally asked.

Bellamy shook his head refocusing on his sister. “No O. Not at all. I’m proud. Really proud.” 

He stood up again, pulling her back into a hug “I’m happy for you, I guess it just hit me. You’re an adult who doesn’t need me… Where’d the time go. I taught you to hold a spoon.” He joked.

Octavia scoffed “You’re hardly an old man. Anyway, I’ll still need my big brother. To move furniture for one.”

Bellamy laughed, though sadness still tinged his reply “Of course.”

He walked to the kitchen and poured himself another one. Octavia followed him in.

“I expect you for Sunday dinner as always.” He said.

“You know I will Bell, and all the group events. You’ll hardly notice I’m not here.” Octavia squeezed his arm. 

“I’ll notice. But I’m proud of you and I understand. This will always be your home O. You’re welcome anytime” Bellamy promised her.

“I know big brother. okay Clarke, yay or nay?” Octavia asked.

“Yay” he smirked at her.

“Cool. Ill let her know and I’ll see you tomorrow.” Octavia gave him a final hug and went to her room to grab a bag.

Bellamy poured a third drink. Hoping to dull the pain in his chest. Doubtful of his success.


	3. Mistakes are made

Apologies for the delay. I was working a lot so didn’t have much free time. I also moved the warning to mature as I am using curses and for adult situations.

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When Clarke arrived, Bellamy was already on his forth drink, he always had a high tolerance for alcohol, but she could tell he was trying to get drunk and was swiftly succeeding.

Clarke sat down beside him, pouring herself a strong drink. She remained silent knowing Bellamy was drowning his sorrows, missing his sister already. He would talk when he was ready. She could wait.

Two drinks later he finally spoke.

“What will I do?” he sighed.

“She’s always going to need you Bell, its not like she’s leaving the country” Clarke replied. Swirling the whisky in her glass.

“Yet”, Bellamy shot back. “That’s probably her next plan.”

Clarke snorted “Stop being so dramatic.”

“I’m not, I raised her and now she’s gone, I don’t know who to be if I’m not her guardian. Its all I’ve ever known.” 

Ignoring the kicked puppy dog look he had, Clarke went for a harsh truth. Perhaps she shouldn’t have drank so much before their talk. 

“Stop the pity party Bellamy Blake. You have friends, an excellent job and a nice life. Hell, you own property that is more than any of us have achieved.” Clarke paused waiting until Bellamy met her gaze. 

When he did she continued, “You did an amazing job Bell, but you have to let her go. Sure at 28 it’s a little odd to have empty nest syndrome but you, like every other parent will cope.”

“I know.” He took a long slurp of his drink, swaying slightly. He was no doubt feeling the alcohols effects. Clarke was feeling hers already and he was way ahead of her.

“Do you want kids?” he asked.

Clarke startled at the unexpected question. “I don’t know I haven’t thought about it much. I guess so, but, maybe not” she answered vaguely. She had no idea.

Bellamy nodded, like he was processing her answer before replying. “For years I majorly resented my mom, and even O a little. Felt I had sacrificed enough and was done. Truly believed that I wouldn’t have children. Once O was grown up it was going to be my time.”

Clarke didn’t comment but was quite surprised. Bellamy Blake was many things but at foremost he was a mother hen. She supposed they hadn’t met till Octavia was a teenager and well past the most awkward stages. He just always seemed fine with it. She had seen his sacrifices for his sister, but she supposed it was probably much more in the earlier years. He had a way of dismissing it when people brought it up. He never seemed to blame or resent Octavia, she supposed she had just assumed he hadn’t minded. Though in reality what teenager wants sole responsibility for someone both financially, and paternally.

“And now?” she asked. Curious for his response.

“I do. I see her, and I just … … I just love her so much. Her strength, her capability, her sarcasm”, he joked “and I think it was all worth it. Every moment. Night college, the budgeting, all the nights I stayed in, or the countless other things I did for her. I just don’t care. She’s all that matters. I could do it a thousand times over.”

“Well, I’m sure the mother may not be so willing to hit a thousand.” Clarke retorted.

Bellamy laughed, his deep melodical laugh that so rarely made an appearance. It was a beautiful sound. He looked so relaxed, Clarke smiled to herself at the comfort of it. She loved all her friends, but Bellamy was special.

She cuddled into his side with her drink, the topic moving to stories of O growing up. He regaled her with anecdotes about his fiery sister. Stroking her arm, he stared off at nothing losing himself in the memories. His words slurring on occasion. 

Clarke felt good, that she had been able to shift his mood.

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Clarke woke up, daylight burning her eyes, her throat parched. She moved slightly but stilled as nausea rolled through her. She sensed a presence close to her. This was hardly the first time she had slept in Bellamy’s bed, but this was definitely the first she was naked. She didn’t have many memories of the previous night past her seventh drink.

What had she done. She had to fix this. She had fucked up. 

Next to her Bellamy shifted. Clarke held the bedsheet close to her body. Trying to cover up. Bit late, a snarky voice in her mind piped up.

“Clarke? “Bellamy looked a little confused. Glancing down he raised his eyebrows. “Did we?” he whispered.

Clarke couldn’t find any words. Too stunned by this situation.

When she didn’t reply, he reached over to reassure her, but she pulled away. Almost like he would burn her.

“Bellamy this isn’t what you think this is. I can’t do this, I’m not able to” Clarke trailed off. “We’re better off at friends” she said firmly. “This was a mistake that won’t happen again.”

The shift was palpable. Like a cool breeze across her skin. the room grew colder. He nodded, his warm chocolate brown eyes grew dark, emotionless and cold.

“So, we just ignore whatever last night was? Pretend nothing happened. Sweep it under the rug yeah?” He replied coolly.

She could tell he was angry, but she couldn’t let this ruin them.

“I was drunk Bell, it was just sex. It shouldn’t have happened. Can’t we go back to how it was. Please?” she begged.

Bellamy sighed before replying “Yeah I guess we can try.”

He remained silent for a few moments. Eventually running a hand through his hair, she saw him decide. What, she didn’t know.

He turned to her again “Do you want something to eat.”

“Thanks no, I’m going to go, but I’ll see you at the party later this week, right?” she replied, the room feeling claustrophobic. 

He nodded watching her as she discreetly exited the bed, hiding herself.

Clarke grabbed her clothes and rushed out of his home. The feeling that had been following her around lately darkening. 

Bellamy watched her from his window. He had always believed somewhere deep down that he and Clarke would get together. Apparently, that was one sided. This week had turned into a nightmare.


	4. dangerous games

Throwing a quick chapter up as I’m losing momentum, this thing just keeps getting longer and longer.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Despite the awkwardness of the morning after, Clarke had actively tried to rebuild their friendship. Making sure they got back to where they needed. She and Bellamy had spent the previous Friday doing their usual movie and beers. They had been slowly regaining their normalcy. The texts were slowly becoming as frequent as they had been. Though Clarke hadn’t regained her memories. Bellamy hadn’t filled her in either. Thankfully.

So, she was looking forward to Millers impromptu shindig. She had had a long week. Work was stressful, too many new interns with no clue what they were doing, and she just felt so drained. During the day all she wanted to do was sleep and at night she couldn’t make her mind switch off. She hadn’t even had the energy to do a wash. Buying a new outfit had been the only option. Though her new black jeans and red top had put a smile on her face.  
She strolled up to Millers and Adams small two bed house. It was quaint and so full of domestic bliss. She sometimes felt they were so far ahead of the others in adulting.   
Despite their ample back yard though most people were inside.

The party was raging with almost everyone cramped into their small front room. Clarke wasn’t late, but it looked like everyone had arrived early. The music was pumping, and the drinks had clearly been flowing. She would have to catch up.

Clarke moved to look for Raven or Bellamy but was quickly dragged into a beer pong game to the side of the room. Harper and Fox, both tried to get her on their teams as she usually dominated at this. She went with Fox as she was the lesser player to even it out, instead it ensured their loss. She lost badly, unusual for her. The crowed heckled her, so she challenged a few others to redeem her name.

It didn’t go well for her, but she had fun. It was so nice to surround herself with people she cared about. 

Clarke left the girls and was called over to Murphy and Emori, by the young woman. The brunette flashing her big smile as she handed her a strong whisky. Clarke was so glad the two had met, Emori was a stabling influence on the usually snarky Murphy.   
Clarke had several drinks with the two and was starting to really feel the effects. She moved away, looking around, looking for Bellamy a strange need taking over. Normally he would have found her, maybe he wasn’t here. 

She pushed through the people. Finally, she spotted him in the kitchen.

Bellamy was chatting with two people she didn’t recognise. A tall guy with a long hair. Attractive but knew it, and a petite brunet. Who was touching his arm regularly. Laughing overly loudly at his jokes. Fluttering her lashes. Clarke felt a spike of jealousy and walked over immediately.

“Hey” she said and was met by a chorus of greetings. Long hair, looking her up and down lecherously. She chose to ignore him.

She shuffled in beside Bellamy, far closer than necessary. Smiling a warning at the other girl. 

“Bell, I’m thirsty shall we get a drink?” she simpered, smiling flirtatiously at him.

He furrowed his brow, “Sure. Guys I’ll catch up in a bit.”

Bellamy followed her to the kitchen, “Clarke, are you okay? Maybe have a water.” 

Clarke snorted grabbing two beers. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just wanted to catch up. See how you’re doing.” She replied passing him a drink.

“I’m fine, same as when we talked at lunch… …” he trailed off.

Clarke saw the girl from earlier watching them. She stepped closer, drawing her hand up his arm. 

“I missed you is all, feel I haven’t seen you in forever” she purred. Well she hoped that what it sounded like, she may have slurred her purr. That water didn’t seem so bad an idea,

“Clarke” Bellamy warned.

His hair was more curly than usual, A slight sheen of sweat from the heat. His t shirt deliciously tight against his frame. A teacher should not be that built she thought to herself. It was no wonder that girl had been eyeing him up. Bellamy had no idea how good looking he was. Her intention had been to get rid of that girl, but right now she was being driven by lust.

She leaned over pressing her mouth to his.

He pulled back sharply,” Clarke stop.”

“What?”

“You know what. You said you can’t do this. You ran away.” Bellamy’s jaw tightened, crossing his arms across his chest. Inadvertently emphasising his arms.

“Maybe I can right now” she answered leaning in again.

Bellamy looked like he had been slapped, “NO. No Clarke you can’t pick me up whenever you feel needy or bored.”

“Come on Bell we can have some fun, no strings” she suggested.

“No Clarke we can’t” he replied. Storming off. He stopped at Miller, saying something, briefly nodding in her direction before leaving completely.

Miller walked over to her. “I hear you need a cab and to go home.”

 

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The next day her phone was bleeping and her head pounding. Her mouth felt fuzzy and dry. She needed water but the idea of it made her sick. She lay there for several minutes before she turned off the sound. The dinging making her want to vomit. Eventually getting up to grab aspirin and water before returning to bed.

She checked her phone and was inundated with messages and pictures from the night before. She looked for any sign that her friends knew she had made a fool of herself but thankfully no one seemed to be aware.

She did notice that both Octavia and Bellamy were not commenting, not surprising for Bellamy but noticeably strange for Octavia. She sent a quick text to Bellamy apologising and went back to sleep. Hoping to restart the day later with less of a hangover.


	5. deafening silences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant for this chapter to be about 800 words and a quick add, it doubled. Apologies for mistakes but every time I revised it it grew in length, so I had to stop.

Bellamy tossed and turned all night. Clarke’s behaviour making his mind whirl. He had always been close to Clarke, but in the last few years his feelings had deepened.   
He knew he liked her more than a friend should, but he hadn’t been aware of how much until he woke up beside her. He vaguely remembered going to bed that night. They hadn’t kissed at that point from what he could recall, but that didn’t mean much. He felt such a fool for drowning one problem only to wake with more. Despite how hard he tried all he had was a hole where possibly the most important memory he had should be. 

When he woke up, after his initial shock at finding Clarke naked beside him had worn off, he had been so hopeful. That despite all their issues they had maybe moved to something special. 

Clarke quickly stomped that out. 

Bellamy believed he could deal with it. Her rejection, the idea that friends were all they would be. It hurt but he accepted she didn’t want him like that.

Then she tried to kiss him. 

Now he didn’t know what to do, what to feel, what to think. 

He felt adrift. 

Bellamy finally dropped off around dawn, only to be awakened a few hours later by a text from Clarke. He had muted the group chat but had forgotten his texts. 

Her half assed apology made him angry. Realising he wasn’t going to sleep anymore he got up and stalked to the kitchen. Pouring a cup of coffee, sipping it slowly he tried to regain his control.

A sharp knock at the door made his stomach drop, he couldn’t face her right now. Taking the cowardly way out he stayed quiet.

A moment later his door was assaulted with multiple kicks and punches. 

Bellamy chuckled to himself. Only his sister reacts to a possible empty house with violence.

Opening the door Octavia greeted him by shoving a pastry box in his face.

“Hey big brother, what took you so long to answer?” she tutted.

“Hi little sister, firstly I took two minutes tops, and secondly you could have tried, oh I don’t know… your key?” he pointed out. 

Octavia turned to him aghast “Eww and risk seeing you doing stuff, no thanks.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes at Octavia’s theatrics. 

“So, to what do I owe the pleasure?” he asked, swiftly changing the subject. He was already missing his alone time.

Octavia planted her hands on her hips, trying to intimidate him “What’s going on?”

“Well, I just woke. Was planning breakfast and then you arrived. What about you?” Bellamy replied.

“Cut the crap, tell me” she ordered.

Bellamy scoffed “What’s this about?”

“Your Bullshit apparently” Octavia growled.

“Seriously O, what are you talking about?” Bellamy asked again, flopping on the couch. He could feel a headache forming. Whenever O put her mind to it she wouldn’t let it drop, she was like a dog with a bone.

Octavia glared down at him. “Well, for one you never aren’t happy to see me and two, I saw you rushing off last night. I know something is up so spill.” She walked to the kitchen grabbing some plates, napkins and a drink for them both. Bell may not have a hangover, but she did. She threw the pastries on them and shoved them at her brother. Ripping into a Danish. 

“I am happy to see you. So seriously O get to the point please, I’m tired.” Bellamy really hoped O hadn’t seen them. Miller knew but he rarely said anything to anyone at the best of times.

Bellamy made his I’m innocent face at her. She realised she had to change tactics.

“Bell, I’m worried something is wrong” Octavia eventually said pouring all her concern into her question, knowing her brother would be unable to deny her pleas.

“It’s stupid” he sighed.

“I doubt that.” 

“You’re my sister, this is too strange to discuss with you” Bellamy made a last-ditch attempt to deter her.

Octavia stared him down “Bell.”

He sat in silence for a minute. Getting his thoughts in order. Figuring there was no good way to phrase it, he metaphorically pulled the band aid off. “Clarke and I slept together.”

Octavia’s face lit up. “Oh my god Bell that’s great…”

“No, it isn’t O, she said it was a mistake.” Bellamy interrupted. Octavia covered her shock quickly, but Bellamy saw it flicker across her face.

“Last night?” She clarified, clearly confused.

“It was weeks ago” Bellamy told her, pulling at his danish.

Octavia scrunched up her face, putting her thoughts in order. “Okay and … so why are you only now…” 

Bellamy huffed “Last night she was flirting and tried to kiss me.”

“Oh.”

Bellamy huffed out his frustration. “Yeah… OH. She said we could have no strings fun. You know how I feel about her, God I think I love her and she wanted fun.”

Octavia’s heart broke at the pain she saw in her brother’s face, while her anger rose at Clarke.

“I don’t know what to do O, she doesn’t want me” he whispered.

Octavia pulled him in for a hug, unused to the role reversal. Her every instinct was to make Clarke pay. Sure, she was her friend, but bringing her messed up shit to Bell was the final straw. She took a deep breath, calming herself. 

Deciding for one last try before she plotted murder. “Bell you guys are so close, and seem to connect like no one else does, are you sure?”

“I told her. I told her I wanted to be with her and she threw me away. Then last night I thought maybe again… No strings… I’m an idiot” He trailed off with a half-hearted shrug.

Octavia felt tears well in her eyes, she rarely cried but the raw emotion Bellamy was expressing was breaking her. The group joked for years about them, putting ideas in his head and look what it had done. She felt responsible, she had pushed this agenda too. They just all had assumed they’d finally get over themselves and live happily ever after.

Bellamy’s phone chirped, interrupting both their thoughts. Clarke’s name flashing up.

“I don’t know how to be friends again” he said staring at his screen as if it had all the answers.

“Don’t be” she stated, taking his phone from him.

Bellamy looked utterly confused. “What?” 

“I’m serious Bell, stop seeing her if it hurts too much.” Octavia’s mind was whirring for a solution, distance always helped right. “You are always together, in your weird co-dependency. Just break it off. Take the time to get over it, heal, or whatever crap you’d tell me.”

Bellamy scoffed “So I just cut everyone out. I don’t want to lose all my friends, most were mine first.” 

“You won’t, when the know, they’ll understand.” Octavia said simply.

“I don’t want them to know. O, got it.” He made her look into his eyes, “Promise me” he demanded.

“Fine. But you promise me Bell, that you’ll take a break. The amount of relationships you’ve messed up for her, always running when she called. I never minded because I thought… look just … you need to take care of you. You need to be ok…” Octavia sniffed. 

“So, what, I stop seeing her and the group?” he asked slumping down. 

Octavia could see she was winning. 

“If needed Bell, at least initially, maybe then one on one. I’m just saying skip the group events for a while, and hey you’ll always have me.” She reassured, “Just think about it, okay, and block Clarke for now, no calls, texts or Facebook.”

Bellamy didn’t reply but handed her his phone. Silently consenting. Octavia swiftly removed communication possibilities. Then cuddled into her brother, hoping to share her strength.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Clarke woke up several hours later feeling a lot better. She checked her phone, a few more messages but none from Bellamy. That was odd. She sent another quick text and headed to the shower.

Two weeks later Clarke knew it was more than odd. She hadn’t seen or heard from either Blakes since that night. She had tried numerous times.

Her communication attempts boarding on stalking. The silence was deafening. She was glad that the Barbeque was here, she figured she talk to Bellamy finally. Apologise again.

She went around the back of Millers, cringing at the memory of the last time she was here. Rounding the corner, she was met with a barbeque that had a very different vibe than their usual parties. She looked for Bellamy amongst the faces but no sign yet.


End file.
